Hey artist ..Who do you think you are ?!
mirror mirror
I sometimes get a bit of a shock when I look in the mirror at myself and wonder who this person is staring back at me. I prefer the front entrance mirror, as the lighting is soft and forgiving. My inner self imagines I am feisty, energized and appear much as I was in my 40’s..my 50’s..and when I look at a photo taken of me currently the image doesn’t connect either.
How does the way I perceive myself affect my life as an artist? Sometimes, mostly not at all as I still feel like I’m projecting the me I have always been. Yet…
It’s just on occasion it makes me pause -as the inner and outer don’t match.
Over the past few months I have revisited a nonfiction book by Betty Friedan called “The Fountain of Age”. I had unsuccessfully gifted this book to my own mother when she turned 60. Her reaction at the time was one of annoyance and offence. I had thought it might help her through her transition in an encouraging and insightful way as I was aware the book was crafted and intended as a positive and affirming manifesto on aging. I was a bit blindsided by her response -being 38 myself and a few decades away from this milestone. My mother’s reaction to aging was not accepting; she resisted and railed against it-and she was certainly unwilling to embrace any ”fountain” of it. I dearly hoped that her attitude would not be passed down to me when I faced this inevitable passage of time !
Reading this book now, when I can fully appreciated it. I discovered that so much of what I have absorbed about being old , elderly, a senior , a crone , an elder has not just been passed down to me from family -but also from popular culture and ingrained attitudes around me.
Rather like how an artist is supposed to be -there are so many misrepresentations of how one should appear and be at my age. (67)(or truly any age over 50 especially for a woman) I came upon the title Ageless artist for my newsletters because somehow senior and aged etc conjure up imagery I wasn’t willing to embrace ..and wondered if other artists might feel that way too..
(A stock image of an ageless woman (pretending) to paint without a canvas!)
Betty Friedan outlines that from media to the medical profession the perception of elders as being disposable and losing agency in the world is profound .
(Betty wrote this book in 1993 but sadly and incredibly so much continues to be relevant today!)
“Even graduate students in psychology, enrolled in a course on the aging process, agreed by as high as 90 percent that older people “have lost most of their teeth” are ‘forgetful” “like to doze in a rocking chair” are “lonely” “repeat themselves” “walk slowly” “have poor coordination” “dislike any changes” are “set in their ways” and “like to think about the good old days”
There is so much more to say of course on resisting the negative cultural depictions of growing older .When I searched the stock photos for posts here all the images of artists were of artists 30 ish or younger ! Aging as an impediment ; Becoming invisible and less viable needs to be exorcised from our collective mindsets ..
When I was still working at my salaried job in social work a few year ago I recall one of my younger colleagues shared anecdotes about the “old lady” she worked with as a client. Her language infantilized this woman and diminished her in my eyes. She referred to her as “cute” . I called her on it .
Unfortunately so many ads, , social media posts seem to focus on “resisting age” or “pushing back time” and of course the quest to appear younger. The more extreme examples feature often child like eccentricity in both fashion and public figures . “ Featuring Martha Stewart in Sports illustrated magazine or Jane Fonda as role models may seem a stretch as they are far from our relatability to normal aging in women.(Let’s not even talk about airbrushing or the “work” to erase the wrinkles etc.. )
Now Betty’s intention in the book is not to dwell on the negative perceptions of aging but rather offer backdrop and some reference to what’s behind the scenes in our attitude towards growing older . Most of her book is dedicated to those who challenge that negative perception of aging and rise above stereotypes. It’s fascinating reading -mostly because so much has not changed.
Something Betty elaborates on so well is the notion of acceptance and embracing each stage of normal aging. To be the best human being we can be .
She ends with
“I am myself at this age. it took me all these years to put the missing pieces together, to confront my own age in terms of integrity and generativity , moving into the unknown future with a comfort now , instead of being stuck in the past. I have never felt so free.”
There are ripples of forward change of course,
Publications like Oldster magazine on Substack offer a beautiful slice of life from a wide array of Oldster experience .
Cindy O'Dell on retiring word retirement because as artists we really never do retire do we?
We also have inspirational representations of artists prolific in later years like Georgia Okeefe .
I believe we can work with what we have got. Including our wisdom and learnings time has allowed us. Our creative energies and output should not be impacted -and if we are lucky we have more time and good health to propel us forward. Pushing back at ageism as we see it and becoming mentors and new role models for others after us is another positive route to celebrating our time. and sharing our gifts.
Meeting other artists of my generation helps to solidify the union. I will always keep my mind and eyes open to younger talent and of course continue learning. I believe we thrive when we have the experience living among all ages and peoples.
Having a kindred bonding with my people and their journeys offers another layer of camaraderie and richness. I don’t stay isolated in my home studio and appreciate opportunities to mingle with others so who I am in the world still holds weight for me.
Lets increase and enhance our artist and personal presence in the world.
Let’s be agents of change.
Let’s be 100 % visible!
Cheers, Heather
I'm 85 It was only last month that I realized they were talking about people in my age group as old. It came as a shock. so I made out a will and book passage on a freighter around Tahiti...At this age I can not postpone trips anymore. I just don't remember growing old...just yesterday I was 60
Women are starting to blow the doors open on aging in our culture and it's a truly wonderful thing. Sure, like many things, it's likely going to be slow going, but there is a wonderful start and you're a great example of that Heather. Women making the choice if they want to embrace their natural hair color or publicly calling people out on their attitudes about age, but mostly older people doing very cool things (like writing & reading on Substack).
I am in the middle, at 56, and my career has been in health care so I have seen people age in many different ways, as well as watched my Mom go through her later years in a way that is not appealing (grumpy & stuck). This has instilled in me a passion for vibrant aging which is one of the things I write about and teach.
This is one of the reasons I love Substack - every day I am on here I meet amazing older folks who are defying the cultural norm with their creativity and conversation. It's brilliant and so inspiring.